Come Into My Parlour
by incandescens
Summary: A completed story set between the Chin Iisou incident and the desert scorpion incident. Crossdressing, religious consolation, and turnips. Come into my parlour, said the spider to the fly . . .
1. Default Chapter

Chapter One 

It had been, Hakkai reflected while maintaining his customary smile, quite a reasonable day up to that point. Gojyo and Goku had not been squabbling any more than usual, Sanzou had chosen to brood rather than to use gun and fan, the rain had held off, and the countryside had been pleasant rolling fields rather than arid desert, perilous cliffsides, icy tundra, or tornado-struck prairie. 

He should really have known that it was too good to be true. 

Gojyo had, of course, insisted that they investigate the whole situation when they ran across it. Or rather, ran into it. He was quite sure that this was pure altruism, and had nothing to do with the fact that they had encountered the young woman bathing naked to purify herself. 

He shouldn't allow any temper to show. It would be impolite. 

Of course he felt concerned. It would be inappropriate to think that the only reason that he felt concerned in such a case would be if the victim bore some resemblance to Kanan (don't let the mind go that way, don't follow that gentle sweet path down to where the cells are waiting and where she's waiting and the smell of blood hangs in the air) and thereby drew on his personal sympathy. Common ethics demanded that they do something about it. Even Sanzou had agreed. Eventually. After a bit of mapreading made it clear that there was no other town for several days and that they needed to stock up on food here anyhow and that if he _didn't_ do something, the rest of them would. (It was useful being the one who read the map.) 

Of course, since Gojyo had been the one who got them into this with his altruistic concern, it was only fair that he make himself useful . . . 

As for the presumptive victim - well, he was far too polite to say what he really thought about her behaviour, which was why an impatient Sanzou had given him the job of explaining to her that being chosen as future food or breeding material for some sort of esoteric spider clan was _not_ meant as a compliment on her looks, and that it would not be impolite for her to refuse the invitation to come up to their redoubt for "a discussion over dinner". 

Really, it was nearly enough to make him lose his temper. "Sumimasen," he said politely to the blond and distinctly buxom maiden yet again. "I'm afraid you don't quite understand . . ." 

--- 

Kougaiji looked down from his dragon at the fortress below, and sighed deeply. This was, if possible, even worse than being sent sutra-hunting. It was approximately as bad as having to go and find Lirin when she'd run off after the Sanzou-tachi. Continuing the tally of personal woes, he ended on a slightly better note by deciding that it compared positively with having the "Empress" demand that he call her "Mother". 

He still wasn't happy, though. 

A diplomatic mission in itself was tolerable. A diplomatic mission suggested by Ni Jieni must _by definition_ have something wrong with it. A diplomatic mission where he wasn't allowed to bring along Doku - something about no men being allowed in the fortress and they were making an exception purely because he was who he was, son of the Emperor - and had to leave Yaone behind as well to keep an eye on Lirin, who had last been heard threatening to run away and find the sutras yet again - well, purely and simply, to borrow Doku's pungent vernacular, it stank on toast. 

He sighed, and signalled the dragon to spiral in and make a graceful landing. The sooner this was done, the sooner he could leave. 

--- 

Sanzou had always been adept at processing the _important_ parts of speech going on around him. While he could bark, "Urusai!" and use his fan to shut down the babble at annoying moments, he was also quite able to recognize any really vital information that was being conveyed. Words such as _Twenty thousand youkai on the horizon_ would be acted upon. Comments such as Gojyo declaring he was horny would be given suitable attention. Casual mention of _How nice to see you, Yaone-san_, would not go unnoticed. Even the implications of such remarks as _What a splendid day, what could possibly go wrong?_ could be recognized and acted upon. 

Thus, when Goku suggested a wig, he instantly picked up on the important point. Making a wig an integral part of the disguise would mean that any of them could do it. Well, any of them except the stupid monkey. Which meant that the others might actually think that he should do it. 

His course of action was obvious. "Of course not," he snapped. "Gojyo can dye his hair." 

Gojyo demonstrated his newly acquired nervous tic again. "I am not dyeing my fucking hair." 

"Oh yes you are! The erokappa's going blonde!" 

"I am _not_ fucking dyeing my fucking hair. Which part of that didn't you understand?" 

Sanzou tuned the discussion out again. Really, this was too tiresome. He was stuck having to take part in another half-baked attempt to rescue people who should perfectly well have been able to handle the matter themselves. Spider youkai? Hundreds of them? Even if it wasn't mere exaggeration (as he rather suspected it was) it was very annoying to be expected to break their journey yet _again_ in order to investigate and resolve the matter. All things considered, he was glad that Gojyo was suffering. Pain should be shared. Especially if it was _his_ pain. 

--- 

Goku was twitching with excitement. This was much, much, much, much, much better than driving along in the jeep. They were going to be saving a helpless girl! And she was a good cook! And they had a really cunning plan to do it, with Gojyo sneaking in in disguise and opening the gate so that they could get in and stop this sacrifice thing happening again! (He couldn't understand why Sanzou had said, "Oh no, not again," in quite that tone of voice when they came up with the plan, but it probably wasn't very important.) 

He'd have masqueraded as the girl himself if the others had let him. There could have been all sorts of wonderful fights! It was almost a pity that both Sanzou and Hakkai had agreed that Gojyo should do it. 

On the other hand, at least he didn't have to wear a corset and dye his hair blonde. 

--- 

Gojyo hated everyone. He hated the world. He hated the stupid blonde brainless cutie who in a moment of misguided and suicidal gallantry which he was never going to repeat, never, not even if she stripped naked again for him . . . all right, so the view had been good and he'd got carried away. 

He was looking forward to expressing his feelings to some of those damn youkai. 

The corset bit into his stomach and stopped him taking a decent breath. The frilly dress hung on him like a limp sack and got between his legs. The heels were nothing like as comfortable as his usual boots. And his hair smelt of chamomile from that shampoo the giggling cutie had donated. He should have _known_ the colour wasn't natural. 

He still couldn't work out why Hakkai hadn't agreed that Sanzou should wear the disguise instead of him. Hakkai usually agreed with him on this sort of thing, dammit. 

Still, it should be simple enough. Get in. Decapitate guards or otherwise cut to pieces. Slay anyone who got in his way. Especially if they commented on his appearance. Open door for others. Cue general mayhem. 

He stood in front of the fortress doors and knocked, a pitiful figure in long red-blonde hair and pink dress. 

--- 

The two tall female youkai in black leather - at least, he hoped that it was black leather - escorted Kougaiji down the stairs to the main courtyard. They'd been exquisitely polite, presented their compliments to him, to his father, to his mother - his real mother rather than the "Empress", which improved his mood from total sullenness by a few notches - and were guiding him down to meet the local queen and dignitaries. 

Across the courtyard, several other guards were opening the main doors to allow a slouching figure to enter. She looked pretty enough, if she bothered to stand up straight. Flowing strawberry-blonde hair that hung loose around her face, modestly lowered eyes, an Amazonian figure barely restrained by what had to be a corset under her pink dress, and high heels which she teetered on elegantly. Even though the guards (curiously tall, dark-eyed, and predatory-looking) overtopped her by a few inches, she had a certain raw presence. 

"Who's that?" Kougaiji asked one of his escorts. 

The two escorts exchanged slightly bored glances, then the one whom he'd questioned replied, "She's a local tribute, Prince. It's rather old-fashioned, but it seems to make the villagers feel happier to be able to contribute to our upkeep, so why disappoint the humans? Only women, of course - no men are permitted in here, saving your presence. We generally put them to work for a few years, unless they're . . . interesting." She eyed the woman thoughtfully. "This latest one does look more vigorous than usual." 

Kougaiji thought of Yaone, and thought of all the other women who must have walked through the gates of this fortress before meeting some appalling end. His voice was calm, even bored, as he said, "Perhaps she could be assigned to me as a servant while I'm staying here?" 

The second escort shrugged. "Of course, your highness." 

--- 

Outside the fortress, Hakkai eventually said, "You know, I think something must have gone wrong?" 

"Urusai," Sanzou muttered. "Now we have to rescue the dumbass." 

"What were you talking to the villagers about, Hakkai?" Goku asked in between bites of meatball. 

"Oh, nothing in particular. Just local legends." Hakkai smiled. "But apparently there is a back way through the kitchens where they take in the local produce. I would have told Gojyo about it, but he was having such fun . . ." 

---

Fanfic Page 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two 

Gojyo tried to control the urge to scratch under his corset. He was supposed to be a fucking well-bred young woman, and they didn't do that. "Shit," he muttered, then tried to look as if he hadn't said it.  
  
The two tall guards -- women weren't usually taller than him, and he wasn't sure that he liked the experience -- leaned towards each other in an oddly angular way, then separated again. The torchlight in the fortress yard gleamed thickly on their black leather armour. They were clearly dressed for practical fighting, in cuirasses, greaves, and those things that you wore on the arms which some schoolteacher like Hakkai would know the damn name for, and they wore their swords as though they were competent to use them. He upgraded his judgment on the threat rating by a couple of notches; while he'd be able to dispose of a group of them quite fast, he probably wouldn't be able to do it instantaneously or silently, which narrowed down his options for escape or for letting the others in.  
  
"Where do we take her?" one guard asked the other. Oddly, she sounded more annoyed than anxious to devour on the spot.  
  
The other guard shrugged. "The kitchens, I suppose. That's where they usually get dumped."  
  
That settled it. He was obviously due to be the main course of that night's supper, or perhaps cold cuts and fricassee for breakfast. On the other hand, kitchens usually had thick walls and were likely to have convenient passages to the outside world. He lowered his head and prepared to go meekly.  
  
"Come along, honey," the first guard said, and pinched his bottom. "Ooh, you're muscular."  
  
Gojyo bit his tongue hard, and stalked along after the guards. _How do women handle this? More to the point, how do women handle this when it's other women? Should I giggle?_  
  
"Hold it!" another voice broke in. Another female youkai in what seemed to be the universal black leather gear, though with gold ornaments -- odd, he hadn't seen any male ones here yet -- was approaching. "Orders. This one," she jerked a thumb at Gojyo, "is being assigned elsewhere. We've got a visiting dignitary and he wants her as a body-servant."  
  
Gojyo closed his eyes. When he got away from whatever fucker he was being assigned to (and it shouldn't be too hard to dispose of one youkai in private) he was _not_ going to give the others a blow-by-blow account of how he got to the back door. Especially not Sanzou.  
  
"Mm? He's got good taste, then," one of his guards commented.  
  
And he was never going to tell them that apparently he made a convincing _pretty_ woman.  
  
"Yes, well. At least we're not going to have to explain about the Queen's Law." The new guard put one hand under Gojyo's chin, her fingers long and warm and dry against his skin, and tipped his face up so that he looked at her. "You've got an easy job, sweetheart. The guy's polite and refined. Looks like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Just be nice to him and do whatever he wants, and if you're really lucky, he'll take you with him when he leaves. He's here for a couple of days, so you've got a decent chance of making yourself indispensable. Understood?"  
  
"Yes, madam," Gojyo husked, trying to keep his voice soft enough to sound feminine. The guy was a wimp? Good. It'd make him easier to dispose of. He might even just knock the guy over the head and leave him tied up.  
  
"Right. You two." She nodded to the gate-guards. "Walk her up to his bedroom, leave her there so she can be waiting. He'll probably be back in an hour or so, honey, but he's got to make his bow to the Princess. Get yourself prettied up and you could be looking at a cushy future." She stalked off, yelling what sounded like universal military criticism at the few youkai lounging around the central yard below. "What do you think you're doing, you useless excuses for soldiers! I want to see you standing up straight, and I want to see it now . . ."  
  
Gojyo's two escorts snickered, before each taking him by a shoulder, and marching him along at a quick trot.  
  
It could be worse. At least this way he might not have to kill any of these women.  
  
---  
  
Kougaiji was actually finding the whole business much easier than he'd expected. The Princess of this tribe was behaving politely, and without the whole I-am-trying-to-seduce-you-please-fall-at-my-feet-and-lick-my-toes behaviour which he got so much of from his dear, dear mother-in-law. Of course, her rank was local, while his covered a wider area, so he was technically superior to her, but she wasn't trying to invoke any hostly privileges to dominate the situation, which she might technically have been entitled to do. He'd had to play enough games like that in the past, and while he was competent enough to avoid most of the pitfalls, life was always easier when there weren't any hidden vendettas, power-plays, or other amusing little games.  
  
The Princess leaned across to refill his winecup with her own hands. "I trust that this visit has not inconvenienced you," she said blandly. Her hair was laced into a complicated lattice of braids that kept it well back from her face, and that displayed the web-markings on her cheeks proudly. She was dressed in a shifting collection of silk scarves rather than the apparently ubiquitous black leather, though it didn't actually hide any of her anatomy. "We are, of course, honoured to receive the son of the Emperor here."  
  
"It is my pleasure to visit," Kougaiji replied promptly, taking a courteous sip of the wine, and allowed himself to verbally freewheel for a few minutes on the splendid position of her castle and the obvious ability of her castle guard, and anything else that he could think of to compliment. While doing so, he considered what he'd seen so far of the place. It was well-designed and defensible, and the local villages, as seen from dragonback while he flew in, hadn't looked particularly oppressed or starving. The fact that there weren't any male youkai around wasn't necessarily too strange; some of the remoter tribes had unusual customs. Merely because this whole place was decorated with woven silk webs, and the general decorative motif was _spider nouveau_, wasn't going to make him nervous. It was _still_ better than having to manage back with his beloved mother-in-law. "Might one hope to meet your lady mother the Queen, or is she still in seclusion? I understood that she retired a while ago to pursue the comforts of religion."  
  
The Princess coughed. "Her presence is still felt strongly through this fortress, though she rarely emerges from her private chambers below. We obey her in all matters."  
  
Odd how familiar that sounded. "Of course," Kougaiji said non-committally. "If this person can hope to be of any assistance, we are naturally at your service."  
  
"As are we at yours," the Princess replied on cue. _Good, that's half the standard diplomacy sorted out._ "We must thank you for your kind adherence to our customs. It is my Mother's wish that none of your gender enter our fortress, and while we naturally make an exception for the Emperor's son and heir, we do not wish to go against her desires."  
  
Kougaiji made polite noises of agreement, and tried to work out what Nii was playing at. From the way he'd been smirking when the "Empress" delivered her little speech about reaffirming old ties and diplomatic missions, the pervert scientist had found something that amused him in the situation. The fact that Kougaiji couldn't work out what it was only meant that it must be that much worse.  
  
Eventually, after a vague agreement that he'd be staying for the next couple of days, and equally vague offers to inspect the fortress' defences, observe the guards drilling, and admire the local weavers, he was permitted to retire to his quarters.  
  
_Fairly standard, really_, he mused as a guard led him to his quarters. _Of course, if there really is something hidden here . . ._ He had to break off the train of thought as the guard bowed and opened a heavy wooden door for him. With a polite word of thanks, he stepped inside, and she closed the door behind him.  
  
The room was clearly luxurious, and equally clearly furnished for normal-sized visitors, rather than for youkai of the local height. The walls were hung with several thicknesses of silk tapestry. He tried to convince himself that it gave the place a delightfully enclosed and isolated air. _Rather than looking like the middle of a spider's eggsac._ A four-poster bed against the wall was made of ebony and ivory, and hung with black silk curtains, while several armchairs and a table with a chessboard set out on it offered more mundane relaxation. In one of the armchairs slouched the young woman whom he'd requested for his service.   
  
_Damn,_ Kougaiji thought. _ Forgot about her. I hope she's not going to be the screaming sort._ After all, it wasn't as if he was actually going to ask her to do anything, except perhaps tidy his clothing. He had less than no interest in some pitiful human girl who'd been sent up here by lottery to serve as supper . . . and at this he frowned, for this place certainly didn't _feel_ like Hyakugan Maoh's castle, which he'd once unfortunately had to visit. There was none of the metaphysical stench of rape and murder. But perhaps there was something odd in the spiritual undertones here, a deep-buried vibration of despair, of . . .  
  
The woman looked up at him, and her mouth opened in blank surprise.   
  
Kougaiji was vaguely aware that he was also gaping in shock. That wasn't a woman. That was Sha Gojyo, one of Sanzou's men.  
  
If this was an assassination attempt masterminded by Nii Jieni, the pervert's sense of humour was even stranger than Kougaiji had thought.  
  
--  
  
Elsewhere, Yaone was considering tearing her hair out. "I don't _know_," she replied to Doku. "I've done everything that I can think of for the last three days. I let her in my laboratory so that I could keep an eye on her while I was working, and I had to spend half the time stopping her trying to identify my samples by taste! I've been sleeping outside her door..."  
  
"Did it work?" Doku asked, amused.  
  
Yaone sighed. "Yes. She tripped over me. Then she tried to convince me that she'd been sleepwalking and needed me to go away for half an hour and find her some food. I did everything that I could think of to stop her getting away!"  
  
Doku pointed at the gaping hole in the wall.  
  
The female youkai shrugged. "How was I to know she'd try something so obvious?"  
  
"Eh. We did our best. We'd better just go after her and try to find her. Where do you think she's going?"  
  
"Where does she _ever_ go?" Yaone replied, annoyed, as she quickly packed mini-grenades and other impedimenta. "She's either gone after Kougaiji-sama, or she's trying to hunt down the Sanzou-tachi." Briefly she blushed. "She'd probably be safer if she's gone after Hakkai-dono and the others. They're not likely to hurt her."  
  
Doku frowned. "Well, if she's gone after Kou, she's probably safe enough. He's on a diplomatic mission, after all, and we weren't supposed to be following him . . ."  
  
Their eyes met. On one hand, Lirin could wreck a diplomatic mission with her hands tied behind her back and her mouth stuffed with pork buns. She'd managed it in the past. On the other hand, not going to investigate meant staying behind with would-be-Empresses, mad perverse scientists, and all the other inhabitants of the place.  
  
"I'll pack," said Yaone.  
  
"I'll get the dragon ready," said Doku.  
  
---

Fanfic Page 


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three   
The two men stared at each other. The silence in the room hovered somewhere between total embarrassment and the threat of violence.  
  
Finally Kougaiji broke it. "If this is an attempt to asssassinate me, I've seen better." He kept his voice flat and uninflected, not wanting to give away precisely how annoyed by this whole situation he was becoming. He disliked being the butt of the universe's sense of humour. Nii Jieni had to be behind this somehow.  
  
"It is not a fucking attempt to assassinate you," Gojyo gritted between clenched teeth. He finally gave in, and scratched under his corset, hand going down the bodice of his dress.  
  
"Well, no. I didn't really think so. Your style is a little more -- well, blatant. Not so demure."  
  
Gojyo bristled. "Look, cut it with the damn comments. I was trying to save that girl's life. I'm sure you don't care about that sort of . . ." Suddenly a note of understanding broke in, as he saw the abrupt stillness of Kougaiji's face, and he broke off mid-sentence, then started again. "Okay. Okay, I get it." He sighed. "You thought I really was a girl, right? And you figured that if you pulled me as your maid then I'd be safe from the youkai here? Right." He chewed his lip for a moment. "Sorry. Guess I got that one wrong."  
  
Kougaiji let his total stillness slide away a little. "You aren't as perceptive as Doku." And what a comfort it would be to have his retainer next to him, ready to guard his back, here in this nest of spiders.  
  
Gojyo turned away, and reached behind him to undo the fastenings of his dress. "At least I can take this damn thing off now. Screw it. I don't know how women cope."  
  
"I wouldn't if I were you." Kougaiji considered. "Actually, I hope you won't in any case."  
  
"Hey, you may be getting a kick out of seeing me like this . . ."  
  
"It's not that." Kougaiji wandered across the room and sat down on one of the high-backed chairs, his skin pale against its black silk upholstery. A lock of his hair lay across his shoulder, a soft rich chestnut. "You are aware that no men are allowed in here, I suppose? And that they're probably going to kill any man who's found in here on sight? Are you really planning to slaughter your way out?"  
  
Gojyo slouched after him, and leaned against the back of the chair, his own hair falling round his face. "And what about you, Red Boy? You look pretty damn masculine to me."  
  
Kougaiji shrugged. "Diplomatic mission. I suspect I'm an honorary woman for the duration."  
  
The room was silent for a few minutes.   
  
Kougaiji simply sat there, eyes half closed, considering his alternatives. Handing the brash half-youkai over to the spider-women was unthinkable. For once, the necessary procurement of the sutra didn't figure in matters, and it was simply a question of his own judgment. Oddly liberating. "I won't ask any questions about where the others are for the moment," he said. "Will that make matters easier?"  
  
Gojyo propped his chin on his folded arms. "It helps, yeah." And it also helped that the other man was cool, self-possessed, calm and unhurried in something of the same way that Hakkai was; an autumn day's stillness, rich colours against a clear sky. There wasn't the sense of confrontation that he always had with Sanzou. It made it easier to think matters through, to come to a conclusion without feeling pressured or needing to defend his point of view violently. "So -- what's the diplomatic mission? Standard shit?"  
  
The youkai prince didn't bother to look up at him. "A standard enough thing, yes. However, having a man found in my quarters won't help my position." He considered. "Perhaps if I send you off on my dragon, and have it drop you safely out of the district . . ."  
  
Gojyo weighed this as a plan. "Might work," he decided. After all, he could double back and catch up with the others -- assuming, and please dear Buddha whom Sanzou said he'd shoot on sight, let them not be trying something like breaking in to rescue him, that the others were still waiting outside for him. Of course, it still left the problem of stopping the youkai exacting tribute from the local villagers, but now that it was over for another year, perhaps the villagers could be persuaded to stand up for themselves.   
  
"It should do." Kougaiji half closed his eyes thoughtfully. "This whole fortress is actually quite peaceful. They don't seem to have had the violently aggressive reaction to nearby humans that other youkai had during the Zero Wave." _And who was responsible for that, mm? You're still serving them._  
  
"So where are all the men?" Gojyo demanded, pushing off the back of the chair again and starting to pace.  
  
"There are none. Some sort of local custom. I don't know all the details."  
  
"You have got to be fucking joking. What about kids? What happens when this place runs out of kids?"  
  
Kougaiji closed his eyes. "An interesting problem," he murmured, "but not mine."  
  
Gojyo circled round to face him. "Is that why you got sent here?"  
  
The prince didn't even bother to react to that suggestion. "Nonsense."   
  
And this was the prince whom Jien had sworn to, after all. This was the youkai who held his half-brother's loyalty. This was someone whom Jien trusted totally. This foreign prince, as beautiful in his way as Sanzou, as quiet as Hakkai, and yet a total stranger and a sworn enemy. _Does Jien kiss him,_ he wondered. _Does Jien run his hands through that sweet chestnut hair and bury his face in it and then kiss along the curve of the ear and down the line of the neck and across the shoulder and does he smell of cinnamon and . . ._ An unexpected flash of concern made him ask, "You sure you'll be okay, here on your own? When I'm out of here?"  
  
Kougaiji opened his eyelids a fraction, showing a thin slit of dark pupil and iris. "I am Kougaiji prince of Tenchiku son of the emperor Gyuumaoh. I should have no problems."  
  
A knock on the door. "Come in," Kougaiji called, straightening imperceptibly as he began to rise from the chair.  
  
The idea was like a thunderflash inside Gojyo's head. _I need to be able to get out of here. I need to have them think I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And fuck it, I want to do this._ He slipped one hand under Kougaiji's elbow, and as the prince began to turn to him, he hooked his foot round the other's ankle and tugged. Kougaiji tripped, off-balance, and fell into the curve of Gojyo's left arm.  
  
"What . . ." Kougaiji started to say, and then Gojyo had him locked in a kiss, lips against lips, bending him backwards so that Kougaiji had to either lean against him or struggle like an idiot, the other hand tangled in that long chestnut hair to hold him still.  
  
Kougaiji did taste like cinnamon, and like copper, and like other spices which he couldn't name.  
  
There was the sound of the door starting to swing open, and then a cough -- a cough which he could recognise from having heard it so often in the past, the cough of oh-dear-sorry-to-disturb-you-back-in-a-moment, a tone of voice somewhere between amusement and embarassment. The door clicked as it was drawn shut again.  
  
---  
  
Kougaiji hadn't expected something so raw and brash, so shockingly forward. That was the excuse running through his mind as he brought his hands up against Gojyo's shoulders to push the other man away. It was a good excuse. He couldn't have expected anything like this. He struggled to bring a knee up between the other man's legs, and serve him right, when he caught the fraction of movement by the door, and realized that they were being watched by a wide-eyed guard.  
  
But there was something terribly enticing about being so much on his own, so much away from his usual responsibilities and duties. And Gojou couldn't be one of Nii Jieni's schemes. That was a little too ridiculous to be possible. Freedom was like wine in his mouth, like fire in his body. It was stupid. It was impossible. It was inconceivable that he should raise his mouth to Gojyo and put his hands round the back of the other man's neck and pull him down further into a hard bruising kiss. And all these things were more intoxicating than should have been possible. And it was only to convince the youkai at the door that Gojyo was being a suitable bodyservant and acting in a way proper to a humble village girl.  
  
The door closed with an audible click.  
  
Kougaiji broke the kiss, and put real force behind the shove this time. "Off. Now," he hissed.  
  
Gojyo let go lazily, the devil dancing in his eyes. "Now they'll be convinced that you're pleased with me," he murmured.  
  
"I'm more inclined to let them send you to work in the kitchens," Kougaiji snapped from between clenched teeth. His insides were a tight knot of tension and anger and hunger, and the anger was more at himself than at this fool of a youth who'd kissed him with such careless enthusiasm. He shouldn't have thought that he was like Doku. There was a difference which went down to the bones. Doku didn't have this fire. And Kougaiji himself would never have the freedom to be irresponsible.  
  
"_Work_ in the kitchens? Don't you mean be served up for supper in the kitchens?" Gojyo spat.  
  
"No." Kougaiji concentrated on the knots of heat that ran through his body, loosening them one by one, letting tension drain away with desire, and could finally tilt his head to look Gojyo in the eyes coolly. Anger was ice now, rather than fuel to the fire. "Besides -- if for no other reason -- I imagine that you'd taste foul. Now I need to go and eat a formal dinner. You can wait for me. Try to keep yourself occupied." He walked smoothly to the door.  
  
"Bastard," Gojyo muttered, collapsing into the armchair that Kougaiji had been occuping a few minutes earlier.  
  
Kougaiji blandly ignored him, back turned proudly, as he left the room.  
  
---   
  
The kitchens lacked guards, and it had been easy for Hakkai to gain entrance by explaining that they were just bringing up an extra load of turnips and religious consolation. Sanzou had refused to carry turnips, but Goku had been willing enough to play porter after being promised a snack. Hakuryuu had travelled in comfort, perched atop the sacks.  
  
The dozen women working in the kitchen ranged from early twenties to late middle-age, but were all attractive. They also all displayed a strange calm at the prospect of being in a castle filled with carnivorous youkai. Their concern seemed more directed at the three newcomers, who were instructed to stay in the area by the door, and not to come in another step, if they valued their lives.  
  
"But we're here to rescue you!" Goku protested. "Oh, and our friend too. The erokappa's upstairs somewhere."  
  
The oldest woman present pulled up a chair and sat down in it with a sigh of relief. "Damn laundry . . . so who are you lot, anyhow? Is he," and she pointed at Sanzou, "really a priest?"  
  
Sanzou fixed her with a deathly glare, and lit a cigarette.  
  
"Sumimasen," Hakkai apologised. "We'd been told that the youkai here regularly demanded a tribute of young women. One of our friends impersonated the latest one, so that she wouldn't have to sacrifice herself. He may be in grave danger."  
  
"He probably is, given he's a man," the woman commented bitterly. She lit up a battered clay pipe, and blew a smoke ring. "Okay, boys. Time for a lesson in the realities of life."  
  
Sanzou folded his arms disdainfully and leaned against the wall. "I told you this was a waste of time," he remarked to Hakkai, not even bothering to lower his voice.  
  
"Well, yes and no," the woman replied. "I take it you're travellers?"  
  
Hakkai nodded. "We are, yes."  
  
"Right." She took the pipe out of her mouth and gestured with it. "The name's Bie Liao. I've been running this kitchen for the last twenty years or so. Thing is, the ladies here -- that is, the youkai ladies -- they're not aggressive. But the local human forces are. If they got the idea that the ladies weren't the bloodthirsty sort, they'd be marching on the place and trying to take it over before you could say shit-where-did-I-put-the-banners. This means that the ladies here are expected to take local girls as tribute, and if they stopped, the local warlords would think it was a sign of weakness. I blame the fathers."  
  
"I blame the mothers," called across a younger-looking woman, who seemed to be in her mid-thirties. "Look at mine. All oh yes dear, you're doing this for your family, be noble and give yourself up and make me proud of you, I'd do it myself if I was younger. And now I hear she's gone and married again. Bitch."  
  
"Leaving that aside," Bie Liao went on, "it's not a bad life. We're servants, yes, but it's no worse than most wives get in their own home. We get decent clothing, good food, and after a girl's been working here for a few years, the ladies are usually willing to send her off somewhere else, as long as she won't go and spill the beans back home. Okay, so we don't get to see home again, but it's better than being eaten alive."  
  
"This is weird," commented Goku from around a plate of meat buns.  
  
Sanzou brooded. Going back to shoot the whole village seemed like such an excellent thought.  
  
Hakkai said, a little desperately, "And that's all?"  
  
Bie Liao glanced around the kitchen. There were general shrugs. "Yes," said the woman who'd complained about her mother. "Pretty much. I mean, it's a pity about not being allowed any men here . . ."  
  
"Why not?" Hakkai asked sharply. Gojyo might be in far more danger than he'd expected.  
  
"Something to do with the old Queen." Bie Liao gestured with her pipe again. "About a decade back, she went into seclusion in the cellars, and since then no men have been allowed in. The Princess is in charge, but she has to go down to get Mother's opinion on everything. Now, let's get frank here. I don't want to see you lot all get killed because you're trespassing. How about one of my girls goes to find your friend and brings her down here, and you all walk out nice and quietly?"  
  
"It sounds simplest," Sanzou muttered, "if we can trust the dumbass to pay attention."  
  
"Are you _sure_ he's a priest?" Bie Liao asked Hakkai.  
  
"Oh, definitely . . ." Hakkai ran a hand through his hair. This was developing into a full-blown mess. He had no wish to cause the destruction of a relatively peaceful group of youkai. _Not again, never again, not again, never again . . ._ Smuggling Gojyo out of here quickly and quietly seemed like the easiest solution.  
  
A deep-toned bell began ringing somewhere in the heights of the fortress.  
  
"Well, shit," said Bie Liao. "Haven't heard that in a while. That's the fortress alarm. They'll have closed up the back gate by now. Looks like you're not going anywhere after all."  
  
---

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	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four   
The dishes at dinner might have been produced by hours of exacting work and from the finest ingredients, but as far as Kougaiji was concerned, the knowledge that he had Sha Gojyo sitting in his room -- or worse, escaping from it and running into the guards -- turned them to ashes in his mouth.  
  
Fortunately, the Princess didn't seem inclined to make much conversation either, except for the odd vagrant flow of discussion about the weather, the fortress' weavers, and the local food production.  
  
"Take this turnip soup, for instance," she began, indicating the current course which had just been brought in. "We find --"  
  
Elsewhere in the castle, a deep-toned bell began ringing. The guards at the door snapped to an even tighter degree of alertness than before, and the Princess blinked, before rising to her feet. "Prince Kougaiji," she stated, abruptly more formal, "this humble person apologises for the inconvenience, but must ask you to return to your quarters while she investigates the possibility that the fortress is under attack."  
  
"Of course," Kougaiji was forced to reply. On the positive side, this let him make sure that the half-youkai wasn't doing anything stupid that would get him into trouble. On the negative side, this left him back with the half-youkai. He nodded in response to the Princess' smile, and followed the guard out of the room. _Perhaps if I find a window and throw him out of it . . ._  
  
---  
  
Hakkai cracked his knuckles thoughtfully. Perhaps, on reflection, he shouldn't have let Gojyo wander into quite this much trouble, merely in order to make a point about tripping over his own feet when confronted by a pair of naked breasts. On the other hand . . . He shrugged. There were certain tactical advantages to rescuing Gojyo from mild danger. The half-youkai was always very appreciative afterwards. And if anything serious had happened, he'd have known about it. Surely he'd have known about it.  
  
_Kanan_  
  
He bit his lip. No, surely he'd have known about it.  
  
And as to . . .  
  
There was the sound of footsteps approaching. Firm, regular, heavy-booted footsteps. With an ease that spoke of long practice, two of the kitchen women raised a thick drape that helped shield a pile of vegetable racks from light and smoke, and gestured their three visitors behind it. Goku ducked behind it speedily, meat bun still in hand. Sanzou complied with casual speed and a disinvolved attitude of bored annoyance. Hakkai paused to mutter, "Sumimasen," as the drape fell back into place, leaving them in a thin margin of space between dried roots and heavy sacking.  
  
The footsteps entered the kitchen, and paused. There was a brief rustle of noise that might have been a general episode of curtseying.  
  
"Everything under control, Bie Liao?" a strange voice inquired.  
  
"No problems, madam," Bie Liao's voice replied. "What's going on, if I may ask?"  
  
There was an exasperated sigh. "We've got an intruder. The guard who got a sight of whatever it is said that it was small and moving fast. Came over the wall, apparently. We're searching the place, so stick to the main passageways if you have to go anywhere in the fortress. If anything unusual comes in here, scream for help and run. The guard will handle it. Don't try to be heroes."  
  
"Of course, madam." There was a pause. "Oh, were we supposed to be getting a new girl today? Tsubaki over there was counting the days, and she thought . . ."  
  
The other voice snorted. "That's all we need. No, don't worry about it -- we got the new girl in, but she was assigned to the prince we've got visiting on his request. Apparently he saw her across the courtyard and . . ." Some sort of descriptive gesture must have followed, because there were various female snickers on the other side of the curtain.  
  
Hakkai's eyes narrowed as a wave of pure frost washed over his mind. Dark memories keened and struggled to be recognised. If anything had happened to Gojyo, if someone had hurt him the way that Kanan had been hurt . . .  
  
"So she's settled," the stranger said. "Have one of your girls take a tray up, will you? Apparently the Princess didn't get to finish her formal dinner with her visitor, and I imagine they'll both want to keep their strength up."  
  
"Yes, madam. Of course," Bie Liao replied.  
  
Retreating footsteps. A door closing firmly.  
  
Goku poked his head out around the drape, sneezing from the dust, and was propelled out fully by Sanzou's foot as the monk emerged.   
  
Hakkai came last, flexing his fingers thoughtfully. A youkai prince . . . could be handled. He'd handled Chin Iisou. He just needed to make sure that Gojyo was safe. And the easiest way of doing that was to go and investigate personally. This had to be some sort of karmic justice. As usual.  
  
He gave Bie Liao his most pleasant smile. She returned a dubious and suspicious stare, which argued for her intelligence. "Sumimasen," he said, still smiling. "It'll be easiest to get our friend out of there if one of us goes to fetch him and to convince him to come quietly. So . . ."  
  
"So?" she inquired.  
  
He petted Hakyuruu, still perched on his shoulder, reassuringly. "Would one of the ladies here be able to lend me a dress?"  
  
---  
  
Lirin whipped enthusiastically down the latest corridor, and wedged herself between a cupboard and the ceiling. This was too exciting! This was neat! This was almost as good as going to beat up the Sanzou-tachi! She could hear the sound of running feet several corridors back, but they didn't have a chance of catching her. This was brilliant!  
  
Oh yes, she was supposed to be finding big brother so that she could tell him something really important. And it was important! Her-lady-mother hadn't known that Lirin was hiding under the bench when she came in to talk to Nii Jieni, but then nobody had, because Lirin was a champion hider! But then Yaone hadn't wanted to believe her when she said that it was really, really important that she go and tell Kou about it, and nor had Doku, and nobody respected her.  
  
So she'd decided to run away and do it herself. That'd show them.  
  
Now she just needed to find big brother Kou. He had to be somewhere here! And it was really, really important that she talk to him.  
  
Ooh! Another set of guards. But they wouldn't catch her . . .  
  
---  
  
Yaone guided the dragon into a smooth landing next to where Kougaiji's dragon was sitting. She'd left Doku in the woods outside. They'd spotted Lirin's dragon, and come down to question it, but the animal had been singularly unhelpful. _What did I really expect? The sudden development of intelligence, in order to tell us where she'd gone and what her plans had been? Well, it would have been nice . . ._ Doku had agreed, after some argument, that he'd be better placed hunting for Lirin outside, in the hope that she hadn't actually got into the fortress yet, rather than trying to get into the place and having to argue the whole forbidden-to-males thing. It hadn't taken more than the entire trip plus about half an hour extra to convince him. _If only he was always that easy to persuade into things . . ._  
  
She waved a small hand at the two tall women who were approaching, their halberds held at a ready position. "Good evening," she called politely. "My name is Yaone, and I need to speak to Kougaiji-sama urgently."  
  
"Hm." The two guards looked her up and down. One of them finally nodded. "Certainly, madam. If you'll just come along with us, we'll let the officer of the guard check things out. I hope you'll forgive the formality, but there's some sort of intruder at large."  
  
_Lirin_, Yaone thought with an internal sigh. She blinked her eyes and looked as innocent as possible.  
  
The second guard grinned at her as they began walking with her down towards the central courtyard. "Actually, a lot of us were expecting you to turn up with your prince."  
  
"Oh, really?" Yaone asked, attempting to combine airy nonchalance with casual comprehension. _Why would they expect a chemist to travel with the prince?_ A darker thought began to uncurl inside her, casual daydreams intermingled with sheer panic. _What if they think I'm his concubine or something? What if I'm expected to . . ._  
  
"Of course," commented the first guard. "But don't worry. He's absolutely safe here. Nobody could possibly get in."  
  
"Except an intruder?" Yaone queried politely, tone delicately sweet and sub-acid.  
  
Both guards straightened as though drenched in icy water. "There's a guard on duty outside his door," the second guard stated, noticeably more briskly. "But as his bodyguard, you will of course be allowed to stand guard there yourself."  
  
For a moment Yaone considered correcting them. But on the other hand, if they thought she was Kougaiji-sama's bodyguard, she'd probably have leeway to move around inside the fortress, and nobody would question her right to do so. She might even be able to get Lirin out of there -- even if she had to tie the dear girl up and gag her and carry her out under one arm -- without causing further disturbance. Much better than being thought to be Kougaiji-sama's concubine. Really. She tried to ignore the vague sense of dissatisfaction, _It could be worse._  
  
---  
  
Outside, Doku shuffled around in the rain. There was no trace of Lirin. Absolutely none. Nil. Nada. There was plenty of mud, but there was a distinct lack of youkai princess.  
  
He barked his shin on something in the dark, and cursed. It did a lot to relieve his feelings.  
  
Then he examined the thing he'd tripped over, in the vague hope that it might contain a Lirin-related clue.  
  
Sacks of turnips, again significantly lacking in bouncy little redheads. They'd been carefully put to one side of the path and covered with camouflaging branches to keep them safe from the rain, which was why he'd managed to trip over them. He spared a moment's annoyance for whoever had thought that particular site was a good one.  
  
Doku stared broodingly at the dark fortress, and an idea slowly percolated through his head. He considered it. Logical enough. Practical enough. Perhaps even containing the traces of inspired genius. After all, even if men weren't allowed inside, someone had to deliver provisions, and there had to be a back entrance for the kitchen . . .  
  
---

Fanfic Page 


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five   
  
Gojyo was prowling round the room when Kougaiji returned, prodding at the walls with a finger as though expecting to find a secret door behind every silk drape. He was still in dress and corset, but the lines of his bodice suggested that a certain amount of scratching had taken place. He turned lazily as the prince entered, giving a mocking curtsey.  
  
"Oh, stop that," Kougaiji muttered. "Have you been doing anything stupid?"  
  
Gojyo hesitated, then, purely to aggravate, asked, "How do you define stupid?"  
  
"In your case, anything at all." Kougaiji dropped into the chair which he had occupied earlier, and propped his chin on his folded hands. "We have to get you out of here."  
  
The other man posed, hand on hip. "I thought you liked my company. I know I'm not a very pretty girl, your highness, but . . ."  
  
Kougaiji just snorted. "Save the pleasantries. Besides, your hair is badly dyed and it's unaesthetic."  
  
"I am _very_ aesthetic!" Gojyo protested hotly. "I'm a damn sight more aesthetic than you are. And I'll tell you one thing for free. Women get a lot more interested if you actually cover up part of your torso, rather than wandering around with your jacket open all the time."  
  
Kougaiji raised an eyebrow. "You like women?"  
  
Gojyo shrugged. "Famous for it."  
  
"Good." He settled back comfortably in his chair. "Have fun seducing the guards outside."  
  
Gojyo stalked across and leaned over him, hands curled into fists on his hips. "Now that you've quite finished with the jokes, how about us both getting out of here?"  
  
He was more worried than he would care to admit, and certainly far more worried than he would _ever_ admit in front of someone whom he didn't trust. And he didn't trust Kougaiji. Even if that added an interesting spice to . . . other things. The longer he stayed in here, the more likely it became that the others were going to come after him, and while the guards probably weren't more dangerous than any other youkai, they didn't seem to be that incompetent. Someone might get hurt, and it would all be on his head.  
  
That wasn't going to happen.  
  
He grinned rakishly. "Come on, Prince Kougaiji. I'm sure that a mighty prince and sorcerer like yourself has lots of good ideas for getting me out of here nice and quietly and without any disturbances."  
  
"Or?" Kougaiji queried blandly. "I don't quite see where this is my responsibility. I wasn't the one who waltzed in here wearing a dress."  
  
Gojyo leaned in closer. He could feel the familiar devil of danger sparking excitement along his nerves. "Or," he whispered, lips near Kougaiji's ear, and then hesitated. What sort of threat would actually convince the other man to help him?  
  
No. No, wait. Perhaps it wasn't a threat that was needed at all. Perhaps it was just a reason. It didn't even have to be a convincing reason. It just had to be something which would complete this little dance of question and response. "Or," he breathed, "I'll use the mysterious Buddhist tantric sex powers that Sanzou-sama's been teaching us to blow a hole in the wall and escape that way."  
  
There was a long pause.  
  
"Mysterious Buddhist tantric sex powers."  
  
"Yup. Mysterious Buddhist tantric sex powers." He leaned in a little closer so that his lips were brushing the lobe of Kougaiji's ear.  
  
"I believe I have a plan," Kougaiji said flatly.  
  
Gojyo tried to put aside his feeling of mild disappointment. "Knew you would."  
  
---  
  
Hakkai made his way through the corridors, head lowered, peacock-feather-pattern shawl drawn closely around his face to hide his short hair and monocle, skirt dragging on the floor. He'd already passed two sets of the guards who were searching the place. They clearly weren't very efficient, or they would have investigated him. While it was admittedly a good thing that he hadn't been caught, the negligence involved -- not check up on someone wandering around with their head covered during an emergency? -- annoyed him on purely aesthetic grounds.  
  
But in any case, after getting a better idea about what was going on here, he was rather hoping to get out quietly with Gojyo, and to avoid any . . . unpleasantness.  
  
Yes. Avoiding unpleasantness was a good idea. This wasn't the place of his nightmares at all. It was strange to realise that; the tension was released, and he could breathe freely at last. It was just people trying to make their way in the world, no worse than the humans outside.  
  
Of course, the avoiding unpleasantness rule might be relaxed just a shade if anything had happened to Gojyo.  
  
He turned another corner, and got knocked down by a high-speed red-haired missile. "Sorry sorry sorry sorry -- Hakkai! You're Cho Hakkai!"  
  
As he tried to regain his breath, he became conscious of three things. One, that the brat Lirin (his conscious instinct for etiquette hastily substituted "sweet enthusiastic girl") was sitting on his chest. Two, that she'd clearly recognised him, and indeed his shawl was down around his shoulders. Three, that there was a group of guards rounding the far end of the corridor.  
  
His course of action was obvious. He grabbed Lirin and ran. It was astonishing how pure panic could compensate for a lack of oxygen. Fortunately she seemed content to hang on and enjoy the ride.  
  
Several corridors later, he slowed down and dragged the girl behind the nearest curtain. "Lirin-san," he remarked politely, putting her down on the floor without, he flattered himself, unnecessary force. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I've come to find my brother," she whispered. Her tones were nearly as penetrating as if she'd been speaking normally. "I've got something very important to tell him."  
  
Several links clicked together in Hakkai's mind. "Your brother wouldn't be the youkai dignitary who happens to be visiting here, would he?" he said slowly.  
  
Lirin clapped her hands together enthusiastically. "You know where he is? That's wonderful! You can take me to see him!" Her brows drew together. "But why are you wearing a skirt?"  
  
Various sentences arranged themselves in Hakkai's mind and were promptly shot down. "Apparently they kill men who try to get in here," he settled on.  
  
Lirin looked thoughtful. "Oh! Does this mean that if Doku comes here he's going to get into trouble?"  
  
Hakkai kept the smile pinned to his face. "It might do, yes." _And I can't quite see him in skirts._ "Why, is he likely to arrive?"  
  
Lirin chewed on her lower lip, then ignored the question with a desperately hopeful air. "Do you know where big brother's room is? I've been having lots of fun with the guards chasing me, but I think I'm a little tiny bit lost."  
  
"I think so," Hakkai replied, a touch preoccupied. Let's see, he'd been following the instructions from Bie Liao at that point, then he'd made two left turns, then the second right, then . . . "Yes, I think so. What is it that you need to tell your brother, by the way?" he added innocently.  
  
Lirin looked thoughtful. "You like my brother, don't you? I mean, we always have lots of fun fighting you."  
  
"Of course," Hakkai lied. He didn't actually _dislike_ Kougaiji, after all, and if it turned out that the prince had harmed Gojyo, then mere like or dislike wouldn't come into the matter at all.  
  
"I knew you really liked him! Everyone does!" She hugged him tightly round the waist, looking up at him with big childish eyes. "Madam-my-mother has a really evil plot to make him get into trouble here."  
  
_Such as having him found smuggling men into here?_ the back of Hakkai's mind suggested helpfully. "Well, we have to do something about that," he said firmly. "Will you accept my escort to Prince Kougaiji's rooms?"  
  
Lirin looked up at him with starry eyes. "Yes! And I'll tell him about how helpful you've been, too!"  
  
Hakkai tried to put a certain nagging thought out of his mind. The thought involved Gojyo, and Kougaiji, and precisely how Gojyo tended to behave when confronted with a pretty woman, or with Sanzou, or . . .   
  
"Hakkai-san," Lirin said, sounding a little nervous, "why are you practicing making ki-balls?"  
  
---

Fanfic Page 


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six   
  
The two guards marched Doku into the kitchen, one to either side, both a good head taller than him. He found the whole situation rather disturbing, but kept his eyes down and his expression servile. "But I didn't realise there was an alert, mistress," he protested humbly, trying to remember the sort of speeches the Empress liked to hear. "Forgive this humble slave his grovelling incompetence..."  
  
"Shove it," muttered the guard at his right, giving him a poke with her halberd. "Do you think we're stupid? A male youkai walks in here with a bag of turnips over his shoulder, and expects us to believe he's just here to deliver the vegetables?"  
  
Doku looked around the kitchen, grinning cheerfully at the various serving-women, most of whom looked back at him with a mixture of suspicion and disbelief. A steaming dish of buns sat on a table to one side, next to an ashtray with several cigarette butts protruding from it. _Wonder who smokes here?_ "Well, actually . . ." He turned to smile winningly up at the suspicious guard. "I'm having an affair with someone here, but I can't tell you whom, because I have to protect her at all costs."  
  
There was a pause. The guards' eyes went blank and oddly dark. Together, almost in unison, they whispered, "You are . . ."  
  
"Doku!" One of the older inhabitants of the kitchen, a middle-aged woman with a definite middle-aged spread to her hips, came running forward and flung herself on him. "You idiot! You fool! I told you never to come in here! I told you to stay well away! But no, you had to try and be all manly and sneak in! You idiot! You -- you man! You . . ." She broke off, falling to her knees in front of the guards. "Merciful ladies, forgive this idiot his presumption. Just look at him. He clearly doesn't know what he's done."  
  
"What have I done, anyhow?" Doku muttered, more than a touch nettled. He flicked a glance over to where the woman had come from. Interestingly, she'd been standing next to a heavy curtain that presumably covered a pile of supplies. Even more interestingly, the curtain was twitching as though one person was trying to peer around the edges, and another person was trying to hold it still. "That is, forgive me, merciful ladies! I had to see my beloved!" He prayed that they wouldn't ask what her name was supposed to be. "I had no intention of breaking the local law . . ."  
  
"Ah, screw it," the second guard said, abruptly human again. "Of all the damn stupid . . . Bie Liao, I thought you had more sense than this!"  
  
The middle-aged woman got up from her knees, and put a possessive arm around Doku's middle. "It's not _my_ fault he got all frisky and tried to get in, mistress. Besides, just look at him. He's the sort of idiot who thinks a bag of turnips is going to get him in here safely. He's not the sort of person who tries to invade the place."  
  
The second guard looked hopeful. "I don't suppose you tried to get in earlier?" she asked Doku. "Climbed over the walls or anything like that?"  
  
The first guard shook her head. "Naah, they're still chasing whoever did that. But we can't let him out now. The Captain would have our heads."  
  
"And the Princess would have our asses," the second guard muttered disconsolately.  
  
Doku did his best to look blank and innocent. _I'm harmless, I'm normal, I'm easy to get along with, I'm just a big friendly wall of a man whom you can lean on and tell all your troubles to . . ._  
  
Bie Liao coughed. "Mistresses, I don't want to see you get into any trouble because this idiot managed to actually get into the fortress. If I just keep him here quietly, and let him out once the alert's over . . ."  
  
The two guards looked at each other, then nodded. "All right," the first one said. "We're going out on a limb for you here, Bie Liao. If anything happens, and I mean, anything at all, we are all going to regret this, but I swear by the kamis that you are going to be regretting it the most. Am I clear?"  
  
"Clear as crystal," Bie Liao reassured them.  
  
Five minutes later, with the two guards safely out of the kitchen, and a couple of bottles of wine slipped their way in order to sweeten the deal, Bie Liao sat down with a sigh of relief. "What is it tonight?" she asked the ceiling. "Has every single man in the area got drunk and decided that they had to try and get in here carrying turnips?"  
  
Doku hovered for a moment, trying to decide whether standing or sitting was more appropriate, then gave up and sank down in the opposite chair. "I'm extremely grateful to you for sticking up for me like that," he said cheerfully. "So why did you do it?"  
  
She eyed him shrewdly. "Let's say I had religion prod me in the back. So, 'Doku', who are you and what are you doing here?"  
  
Doku scratched his head thoughtfully, and put several bits of evidence together. Lirin's behaviour, the current situation, and the general perversity of the universe. "How about you get the guys out from behind the curtain, and we have a nice little round-the-table chat?"  
  
"What guys?" asked Bie Liao flatly.  
  
Doku grinned. He picked up one of the hot buns. "This bun looks delicious," he said loudly, "and it's a good thing there's nobody here to stop me eating it . . ."  
  
A brown and red whirlwind tore the bun from his hand, and retreated to a safe distance with it and the dish. "Those are mine," Son Goku spat at him, "and I'm sooooooo hungry! Sanzou!"  
  
Genjou Sanzou stepped from behind the curtain which had been twitching so interestingly earlier. His current cigarette was between two fingers of his left hand. Doku didn't want to bet how fast he could make his pistol appear in his right hand. "Bakazaru," Sanzou muttered.  
  
"How about the other two?" Doku asked. He wasn't particularly worried about Gojyo. The kid could look after himself. Hell, he'd proved it in the fights they'd had. No need to worry at all. "Are they stuck outside in the rain?"  
  
The monk looked down his pale nose. "And what are you doing here? Has your prince sent you ahead to explore the area?"  
  
As he had done more than once before, Doku restrained the urge to put an artistic dent or two in the nose. "No. I'm looking for Lirin. She's run off and Yaone and I are trying to catch up with her. So no need to have a confrontation with you, which is a good thing, right?"  
  
Bie Liao lit up her pipe. "So who's this Yaone? Can we expect to get her coming through here with turnips too?"  
  
Doku shook his head. He considered a moment. It was probably safe enough to tell them. "She came in here normally -- after all, she's a woman, so they won't have problems with her the way they would with me or you. Speaking of which, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Nothing," Sanzou snarled.  
  
"We came to get Gojyo!" Goku piped up.  
  
"Their friend sneaked in here disguised as a woman," Bie Liao explained. "And I thought I'd seen it all . . ."  
  
Doku blinked, and tried to ignore the mental image. "And where is he right now?" he asked flatly.  
  
"Hakkai went to get him. Apparently this visiting youkai guy saw him and thought he was really pretty and asked for him for a serving girl." Goku ate another bun. "But the ladies here are really, really nice, and gave us lots of food, didn't they, Sanzou?"  
  
"Urusai," Sanzou muttered. Something clicked over behind his eyes, and he fixed Doku with an icy cold glare. "And it's your master Kougaiji upstairs, isn't it?"  
  
"Is it a problem if it is?"  
  
"It could be." Sanzou ground his cigarette out in the ashtray. "Because Hakkai doesn't know who it is. And things are fucked up enough already. I'm not going to risk them getting worse."  
  
Bie Liao raised a hand. "Hold it. I'm not letting him leave here. I've already lied to the mistresses enough for one night. If anyone sees him, we're all screwed."  
  
Sanzou turned an frozen stare on her. "I know. Which is why I'm going. You can keep these two here. Right?"  
  
"Hey, wait a minute!"  
  
"But, Saaaaanzou!"  
  
"This is not being a good evening," Bie Liao muttered. "Yeah. Right."  
  
---  
  
As he made his way quickly and stealthily up the flight of stairs, Sanzou allowed his indignation to grow into a glacial block of pure annoyance at the incompetence of the people he was forced to travel with. He spared a moment to add the incompetence of his apparent enemies to the iceberg. This was ridiculous as well as dangerous, and while he could endure danger, he loathed looking ridiculous.  
  
He regretted leaving Goku behind, on grounds of firepower if nothing else, but the monkey would have been too likely to walk into an ambush or run after the scent of hot buns. Goku was splendid for frontal assaults, but lacked a certain finesse when it came to sneak attacks from the side.  
  
Not that he was actually planning a sneak attack on Kougaiji -- though if the youkai happened to develop a few incapacitating injuries, _he_ certainly wouldn't care -- but the basic principle of stealthy action held.  
  
There was a sound from above him. He looked up.  
  
Apparently the youkai around here liked clinging to the ceiling. En masse.  
  
They liked attacking en masse, too.  
  
---  
  
Yaone had been escorted to a large dining hall, where the local Captain of the Guard was suffering through the negative reports of several patrols. She waited politely while the latest patrol informed the Captain that the mysterious intruder was definitely not in the north quarter of the third floor of the fortress, absolutely not, they'd searched the place very thoroughly indeed. It made a convenient distraction while she put her story together. _Having heard that an enemy was threatening Kougaiji-sama's life -- work out which enemy later -- I naturally hurried to his side, as his sworn bodyguard, determined to give my life if necessary to preserve him from danger, while of course not wanting to insult your security in any way . . ._  
  
There was a disturbance at the far end of the room. Yaone paused her mental recitation to crane her head and to try to see what was going on. A group of youkai, several of them nursing bruises and dislocations, had just entered. They were dragging an unconscious Genjou Sanzou by his shoulders, and it really didn't look as if he was just faking helplessness in order to stage a surprise attack.  
  
On the positive side, if they thought he was the intruder, it'd stop them searching for Lirin. On the negative side, that might be condemning him -- and what in heaven's name was he doing here anyhow? -- to a nasty death . . .  
  
Yaone hated moral dilemmas. However much she tried, they kept on coming up with suicide as the only honorable answer, and she really couldn't see how that would be much use here.  
  
---

Fanfic Page 


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven   
  
"That is quite enough," Kougaiji finally remarked, rising to his feet fluidly. "Any further complicated plans will merely confuse the issue."   
  
Gojyo yawned, a little too elaborately. "So what are you going to do? Tell them that there's been a serious mistake in the whole sacrifice choice business?"   
  
Kougaiji looked down his nose at the sprawling Gojyo, who'd taken over one of the other chairs and hiked up his skirt in order to give one shin a really satisfying scratch. "No. I will teleport out of here with you, then leave you and reenter the fortress. I'll make some sort of excuse about why I had to go."   
  
"Oh. One of those," Gojyo snapped his fingers, "things, right? The sort you do when you and your friends run out on us all the time?"   
  
Kougaiji smiled blandly. He was aware that teleporting _well_ required real artistry, and that he was rather good at it. Arriving on a high surface above the area for a battle took precision and craftsmanship. Managing to do so with the wind in one's face needed a touch of genius. "Fortunately the only other sorcerer round here is the Princess -- and possibly the Queen, but she seems to be staying out of matters. All they'll notice is that I teleported out of here. A touch discourteous, but nothing actually rude." 

Gojyo sighed, and made a great business out of pulling himself up from the armchair and smoothing down his skirt. "Yare yare, I guess I'll have to go along with it. Good luck with the diplomatic mission, Prince. Don't sign any contracts without reading them first." 

Kougaiji was feeling much better about things in general. All this confusion and worrying about what to do with Sanzou's minion (_keep on thinking about him like that, don't remember any other moments, don't think about that dizzying vertiginous tilt and clutch for balance and embrace_) could be neatly resolved. He should have thought of this earlier. (_And don't think about why you didn't._) 

He gestured Gojyo to take a step closer, and raised one hand to twist at his earring in the familiar personal mnemonic for raising power and invoking the spell. 

And it went wrong. It went badly wrong, wrong to a degree that twisted his gut and doubled him over, but by then the spell was already working, no, already malfunctioning, and he could sense in his bones that the destination wasn't going to be where he had meant it to be. Someone had laid a working in this room before him, had tangled the lines of magic and warped them so that any teleport would go somewhere else. Through the crackling light of power he could see Gojyo's mouth opening and closing as the half-breed shouted something at him, but he couldn't hear what it was. 

The back of his mind pointed out, glumly, _I told you it was some sort of trap_, and then there was thick curtaining darkness. 

--- 

"That's our intruder?" asked the Captain of the Guard, looking down at the unconscious Genjou Sanzou. "Took you lot long enough to catch him. Okay, we have a simple enough case here." 

"Excuse me," said Yaone politely. 

"Man in stronghold," the Captain continued obliviously, "breaking Queen's Law. Anyone know why he's in that outfit, by the way?" 

"He's a monk," one of the guard helpfully said. 

"I don't know about that," grumbled a member of the group who'd brought him in, rubbing several body parts with the pained air of one who was expecting sympathy. "Monks don't call you assholes and try to kick your head off." 

"He's a Sanzou," Yaone put in. "Genjou Sanzou, actually." 

The Captain turned to squint at her. "Are you sure? I heard that Genjou Sanzou was a big guy, lots of muscles, commanding presence, divine aura, saintly behaviour, the works. Not, you know . . ." She waved at the unconscious body in the tangled robes and disarranged sutra. "Not a foul-mouthed piece of skin and bone like that. There isn't even any good eating on him." 

"If he is a Sanzou, you can't eat a Sanzou," one of the gathering crowd of guards pointed out. "It's bad luck." 

"What do you mean? The gods punish you with seven years misfortune?" her neighbor queried. 

"Naah. I mean that the humans get really pissed off about it and do stuff like besiege you and call you a cannibal and burn your family home to the ground." 

"Yeah," put in a third. She prodded the unconscious Sanzou with one booted toe. "Besides, I heard that you can't just eat him. You have to keep him for a year and devour his primal masculinity first." 

There was a thoughtful pause. "Naah," said the first guard. "Too scrawny." 

Yaone drew herself up to her full height, uncomfortably aware of how it compared with the seven-foot women surrounding her. With her best court inflection, she stated, "I'm afraid I must claim custody of this man." 

"Ah," replied the Captain, in a voice which sounded rather more suitable, to Yaone's mind, to intoning **Fee Fie Fo Fum**. "How . . . interesting that you should say that." 

Yaone stalked across and put one foot on Sanzou's chest. "He's an enemy of Kougaiji-sama. Clearly he entered this fortress as part of some plot to assassinate him. As Kougaiji-sama's bodyguard, it is my job to take him into custody and find out what's going on." She hoped that it sounded plausible. If she could at least keep him safe from the spider youkai, that'd deal with _that_ question of honour, and then Kougaiji-sama himself could decide what to do about the whole sutra business. 

"Mm." The Captain didn't sound very convinced. "You're the Prince's bodyguard. Well, I suppose there may be more to you than there looks to be." 

Yaone felt her spine stiffen in sheer affront. "Certainly Kougaiji-sama would not have me in his service if I were not _competent_," she hissed. "How dare you insult him by suggesting such a thing!" 

"Okay." The Captain folded her arms across her heavy breastplate. "We've got a problem here, Little Miss Competence. Now, anybody could walk in here and claim to be the Prince's bodyguard. Anyone could fly in on dragonback and make it look convincing. Anyone could try to smuggle out a man that way. And given the Prince is currently in his bedroom with that new girl they brought in as tribute, I don't feel like disturbing him. But I'll make you an offer." 

The Captain's voice seemed to echo in her head. _In his bedroom with that new girl._ "I'm listening," said Yaone, her voice placid and controlled. Little red sparks danced at the edges of her vision. 

"I'm going to have to submit this one to higher authority anyhow. He's going to the Queen, no question about it. But the Queen might listen to another woman. You prove to me that you're really the Prince's bodyguard by showing your form against one of my best girls, I'll let you go along, you can make your case to her. You lose or back out . . ." The Captain shrugged. "I'll have you shown up to the Prince's door, and he can identify you later. Or not. And as for him," she pointed to Sanzou. "He goes in the cellars for the Queen. Au naturel." 

Yaone looked down at Sanzou for a moment, and saw his eyelids begin to flutter open. A vivid picture of what he might say when he woke flashed through her mind. Action followed on thought; she slammed the back of her heel into his forehead. He subsided back into unconsciousness with a grunt. "Of course," she said flatly. "It will be my honour to serve my Prince in all ways." 

--- 

Hakkai could feel the delicate balance at the back of his mind tick over from _mildly irritated_ to _profoundly irritated_. It had been difficult enough to avoid the guards and reach the door to the Prince's room without being caught. Fortunately the lock on the door had been susceptible to a needle-thin ki-blast, and he hoped that nobody would notice the small smoking hole in the wood any time soon. 

But now it seemed that Gojyo and Kougaiji weren't here at all. The room was empty - and had been locked from the inside, he noted thoughtfully - and there was no trace of a struggle or anything similar having taken place, which was good. There was also no trace of the large four-poster bed having been used, which gratified him on a totally different level. 

Fortunately there was enough space to hide beneath the four-poster, too. 

They'd heard the women coming, and he'd just had enough time to grab Lirin and drag her underneath the bed with him. She seemed quite conversant with the concept of hiding under beds to spy on people, and hadn't made a single noise so far. 

"There's been no trace of them?" asked an extremely upper-crust voice. Hakkai was fairly sure that it belonged to the expensive pair of sandals on perfectly manicured feet. 

"Nothing, your Highness," replied a voice that probably went with the black leather boots. "We'll search the place again. Possibly that intruder had something to do with it." 

"I am concerned," said Expensive Sandals. There was a note to her voice that intrigued Hakkai, a degree of what he could only term _private motive_ or _speech meant to be heard_. "During my supper with him, Prince Kougaiji spoke rather wildly about certain matters. I - ah, but it is unreasonable of me to be so nervous. I am sure he meant no genuine harm, and certainly he would never go so far as to threaten the Queen." 

"Threaten the Queen?" whispered Leather Boots. There was an overtone of something crawling to her voice, an ominous rustle of danger. "He . . ." 

"No. I am quite sure that I am mistaken. Go to the Captain. We must search the fortress again. If anything should happen to the Prince, I don't know how we could possibly apologise to the Empress." 

Both pairs of feet left the room. After several minutes, Hakkai let Lirin scramble out from under the bed. 

Lirin was spitting with fury. "The bitch!" she whispered penetratingly. "How dare she criticize big brother! How dare she be so rude! He'd never threaten anyone who didn't deserve it!" 

Hakkai rubbed his forehead thoughtfully, then dusted off his skirts. "Lirin-san, do you know exactly what the Empress' 'evil plot to make Kougaiji get into trouble' is?" 

Lirin pouted. "I didn't hear that bit. I just know it's something to do with the other people who support him. Not everyone likes madam-my-mother that much." 

"Ah," Hakkai murmured. Certain things were starting to make sense. If this was the frame-up job which it was starting to sound like, then Kougaiji -- and Gojyo -- were either being stored while the evidence was prepared, or they were already in the middle of it. The increasingly important question was, where _were_ they? 

--- 

"Jan-ken-pon!" 

Bie Liao sighed as she fetched more buns. "No," she said to Doku again, "it's not quite like that. The Princess currently has control of the fortress and the troops, but her mother the Queen has ultimate authority, and the Princess has to clear everything important through her first." 

"Then why's the Queen in the cellar?" Doku asked thoughtfully, borrowing one of the buns from Goku's plate. "Some sort of religious custom?" 

The older woman raised her eyebrows. "And I thought you youkai knew something about each others' habits." 

Doku spread his hands. "Some customs get a bit strange, out among the more isolated tribes." 

She shrugged. "Oh, it's simple enough. You have noticed that all the ladies round here are, you know, sort of spider-ish?" 

"Mm mm squash spiders mm," commented Goku through a mouthful of bun. 

"So?" Doku asked. 

"So what do spiders do after sex? The Queen's in the cellar because she's been laying eggs. And from what I've heard the guards saying about it, they're due to hatch real soon now. The Queen will be taking full control again at that point. At the moment, though . . . she can get a bit irrational, or so I hear tell. Mother defending her young, you know? Like that." 

---

Fanfic Page 


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight   
  
Waking was always one of the pleasanter things about mornings, Kougaiji thought sleepily. The moments before one had to open one's eyes to the responsibilities of the day, and could lie back and savour the cold stone floor under one's back, the weight of Sha Gojyo on top of one, the softness of the other man's long hair like silk across one's face . . .  
  
Wait. This wasn't how he usually woke up.  
  
He sat upright, his head buzzing like a swarm of bees, and shoved the recumbent Gojyo onto the floor. The place was full of webs, great swathes of cobweb which fell like silk from the ceiling and sheathed thick pillars like tapestries. The web itself glowed with a faint light like fungus, not quite bright enough to worsen his headache, but enough to see by. They were in a low-ceilinged pillared hall of some sort, with passages leading off to either side.  
  
Faintly, quietly, behind Gojyo's pained mutterings, he could hear the sounds of skittering whispering spiders.  
  
Gojyo finally put together a coherent sentence. "Your teleport sucks. Mega-sucks."  
  
"Something went wrong." Now, of all times, Kougaiji could have used one of Yaone's headache remedies.  
  
"_That_ one I figured." Gojyo sat up, and promptly pressed the heels of his hands against his forehead. "Shit. This is worse than bad whiskey."  
  
Kougaiji focused on the steepled fingers of his hands, ignoring his nausea. "No," he said carefully. "Let me be more precise. There was a trap set for anybody who attempted to teleport from that room, set to redirect them to here, wherever here is."  
  
Gojyo lifted his eyes, and stared at Kougaiji through the crimson curtain of his hair. "You're the only one that could have been set for, Red Boy, unless we really want to hit coincidence city bigtime. How many visitors does this place get?"  
  
"Nnh. I should have thrown you out of the window after all."  
  
"Hey, that's a fine way to talk to your bodyguard."  
  
Kougaiji narrowed his eyes. "Bodyguard?"  
  
"Eeh." Gojyo slowly rose to his feet, taking each inch carefully, and not swaying more than slightly. "You've been betrayed by someone here, right? So you're entitled to have a bodyguard, I figure. You're the Prince. Getting dumped on this way has to be grounds for some royal annoyance. Right?"  
  
Kougaiji rose elegantly before Gojyo could offer him a hand. "You have a point. In the meantime, I suspect that we're in the cellars under the fortress." Something was prickling at the back of his mind, registering faintly on his senses, and he wandered across to one of the drapes of webbing to examine it.  
  
Gojyo followed him. "So, why not do your red wind thing and blast our way out?"  
  
"Two reasons." Kougaiji gestured around. "Cobweb's inflammable. Do you want to be in the middle of it while it's on fire?"  
  
"Mm." Gojyo digested this. "And the second?"  
  
Kougaiji scooped a handful of the thick dust from the floor, and used it to protect his hand as he peeled back a few strands of web. It was as he had thought. "We're in the middle of the nurseries. Look -- eggs. Do you want to be responsible for killing off the next generation of the youkai here?"  
  
"Well, shit." Gojyo backed away, and paced a few thoughtful steps. The close-crowded pillars meant that he could only manage a few steps in any direction before having to bend his course. "So who's responsible for this?"  
  
Kougaiji attempted to detach his hand. The web was extremely sticky. "The Princess seems the most likely candidate," he replied. "She is a sorceress. The Queen is, too, but she hasn't been seen for a while. Apparently she spends most of the time in seclusion, probably in the cellars . . ." His brain processed what he had just said.  
  
"You've got your sleeve stuck now too," Gojyo pointed out helpfully.  
  
---  
  
"Lirin-san," Hakkai said, very seriously, "I would be much happier if you were to leave the fortress. I promise to tell your brother that there's a plot against him." Common sense and ethics had triumphed over the need for her potential muscle, and having to dodge three patrols while dragging her along had only cemented his opinion.  
  
Lirin pouted at him. "If you're going to be mean, then I'll find him on my own!" Her voice rose alarmingly.  
  
He waved his hands hastily. "No, no, that's not it at all. I'm just worried in case there's some sort of deeper plot going on." Inspiration came to him. "For all we know, there's some sort of secret plot to kidnap you and use you as part of some experiment, and this is all an attempt to lure you into danger."  
  
"That's stupid. Who'd do a thing like that?"  
  
"Er, well," Hakkai said tactfully. Given the obsessive scientists, sorcerers, and holy men that the Sanzou-ikkou had already run into, it seemed to be more a question of who wouldn't, but this was hardly the time or place. "I can pass as one of the servants here, if I keep the shawl up, but nobody would believe that _you_ were a serving-woman. If I find your brother and tell him what's going on, he can meet you outside."  
  
"But you don't know where he is." With devastating accuracy, Lirin put her finger on the plan's main flaw. "Or where your friend Gojyo is."  
  
"I'm sure I can find them," Hakkai said blandly.  
  
Lirin raised one finger brightly. "I bet they're in the cellars. That's where the Queen is."  
  
This was not the way that the argument was supposed to go. "How did you know that?" he asked, temporising.  
  
"I heard some of the guards saying that the Queen was in the cellars!" she explained perkily. "So if this is all an evil plan to do with the Queen and which is supposed to put the blame on big brother, then they're going to have to put them down there to do it, aren't they?"  
  
And he was not supposed to have plots explained to him by this child.  
  
"So we're going to have to go down to the cellars!" She balanced on her toes, pointing down the corridor. "They're that way. Come on!"  
  
Hakkai smiled vaguely as he followed her. He would have been smiling more cheerfully, but for some reason he was feeling just a touch piqued.  
  
---  
  
The still-unconscious Genjou Sanzou had been dragged over to one wall, and his hands had been cuffed behind his back. "He looks like a shifty, untrustworthy type to me," the Captain of the Guard had stated. "Droopy eyes."  
  
Yaone had decided not to comment on the question. In the first place, Genjou Sanzou was a devious, untrustworthy type, who was entirely capable of faking unconsciousness until he could make a run for it. In the second place, it would have been inappropriate for her to question the other woman's idea of security in front of her troops. And, of course, in the third place, she was about to have to fight for his life, and she'd spare time wondering about whether or not he liked being in manacles at some point when she wasn't about to be hammered into the floor.  
  
It was a pity that the match was to be bare-handed -- to avoid any lethal wounds, the Captain had pointed out -- and that she couldn't use her spear, _or_ her grenades, _or_ sleeping gas, _or_ anything else that might conceivably have been useful. This sort of thing, she decided peevishly, was far more appropriate to bare-knuckle brawlers than to trained apothecaries who should really know better by now, devoted service to liege-lords or not.  
  
One guard entered at a run from the nearer archway, and made her way across to the Captain. Yaone looked away from where her prospective opponent was busy strapping spiked knuckles onto her hands, not entirely relishing the sight, and saw the new arrival muttering hastily to the Captain. The Captain's brows drew together sharply, and she turned to look across at Yaone thoughtfully as the guard continued her whispered report.  
  
Yaone smiled politely, and looked away before she could be accused of trying to listen in. She could still feel the Captain's gaze on her, and she wondered what was going on. _Perhaps Kougaiji-sama has come out of his room and wishes to speak to me? No, they'd have called off the match in that case. He couldn't possibly have disavowed me -- there's nothing unreasonable about me being here. Maybe they've caught Lirin? Surely in that case they'd have brought her down here._ Her thoughts ran round and round in circles. She stretched one arm, then the other, just as she would have in a standard warm-up.   
  
The Captain brought her hands together in a sharp clap. "All right. Time. The match is to incapacity or yield. In the circle, ladies."  
  
Yaone walked across, and bowed politely to her opponent. The other woman, who seemed to have a worryingly large number of scars, not to mention having a missing front tooth -- didn't she know that something could be done about that with an ivory replacement, she'd really have to suggest it after the match -- bowed back, but didn't seem to be taking things with the right degree of sober propriety.  
  
The other guards formed a wide circle around them.  
  
"Time," the Captain said.  
  
The other woman moved first, coming forward in a smooth run and then turning the charge into a pivot-kick that would have put her foot in the middle of Yaone's chest and probably knocked her into the far wall of the room.  
  
Yaone was oddly pleased that she was being taken seriously enough to warrant a proper attack. Even if her primary function for Kougaiji-sama was as apothecary, it was good to know that she was clearly an effective warrior. She sprang over the kick, as she would have over one of Doku's in practice, and landed rolling, spinning round to slam her own foot into the other woman's ankle.  
  
The guard was clearly expecting the counter, and made her own leap to avoid it. The two of them came to their feet, and stood, watching each other, breathing still even, balanced.  
  
The circle came alive around them, with the guards yelling comments and suggestions. Yaone was surprised to find herself the recipient of a few shouts of encouragement.  
  
"Beat the shit out of Shimiko! I've got my money on you!" someone behind her yelled.  
  
Oh, so that was why.  
  
Shimiko -- her opponent, presumably -- grinned her gap-toothed grin again, and moved in.  
  
A hasty exchange of blows later, Yaone had managed to avoid any serious punishment, but was nursing a couple of lightweight bruises, including a set of scrapes on her left cheek, and was increasingly conscious of the time factor. She would tire much faster than this bruiser they'd put against her, and if Shimiko did manage to get a firm hold on her, or land a real blow, then the fight would be pretty much over.  
  
She consciously slowed her breathing, again. This was a training exercise. View the other person as a set of muscles and nerves. Strike to immobilise or stun.  
  
"You any better in bed with your Prince than in the circle?" one of the louder guards called out. A few snickers followed.  
  
How curious. Everything seemed to have an odd red tinge. Not that that was important at this precise moment. Move in fast and go for the left inner arm then move out and curve and backflip and strike for the back of the right shoulder and oh dear, you nearly got her foot in the gut then, so back off and move round her fast and curve over and there, that's right, that's the back of her left knee, move in and kick and move out and keep moving and perhaps that's an opening? no, that's a feint, so pretend to be taking it and let her extend her left arm in the blow and strike for her temple, ah, she's tough, she rocked with the blow but didn't go down and now she's got hold of your left tail of hair, but that's all right, move _in_ with the tug and pivot and both hands up under her chin, yes, and then spin and right elbow to where you hit her temple before, good, and watch the back arch as she goes down, and the instructor's saying something . . .  
  
"Not bad," said the Captain. "Okay. You've convinced me."  
  
---  
  
Doku waited behind the curtain in the kitchens with Goku. Another search party was going through. At this rate, Bie Liao would be aging a few decades overnight, judging by the language she was using. Where the hell was Lirin, why hadn't Yaone managed to find her yet, why wasn't the monk back with Cho Hakkai, where was Kougaiji, and what the hell was going on?  
  
"I think something's gone wrong," muttered Goku.  
  
"Yeah," Doku sighed. "Me too."  
  
---  
  
"Something else has come up." The Captain tossed Yaone a damp towel. "Here. Wipe those scrapes before they start bleeding badly. And while you're doing it, take a little stroll with me over to the side here where my girls can't hear us."  
  
Yaone did as she was directed. Adrenalin still hummed in her nerves, and she couldn't stop herself smiling just a little.  
  
"Okay." The Captain leaned against the wall and lowered her voice. "First, and _don't_ react too visibly to this -- your Prince has gone for a walk. Missing. Gone. Room empty."  
  
It was astonishing, the alchemist part of her mind noted, how fast her spine could freeze and her stomach tighten. She kept her voice flat. "I'm assuming there's more to this and that you're about to tell me what it is."  
  
"Good." The other woman nodded. "There is. Scuttlebutt, and it's not me who's saying this, is that a certain person in this fortress who is neither myself nor the Queen would be pleased if he turned up in an embarrassing location. At the moment, the most embarrassing and dangerous place he could _possibly_ be found in is the cellars. Which is where I'm about to drop you. Am I clear?"  
  
Yaone processed the information. Her eyes narrowed. "So, just for example, if I were to make sure he _wasn't_ found down there, that would be a good thing?"  
  
The Captain looked up at the ceiling. She had the air of a woman who, given half a grain of rice, would be posing for the Whistling Nonchalantly In An Innocent Fashion yearly award. "Some of us have been hearing things about new orders and civil wars and conquering the humans and that sort of shit. Some of us think it _is_ shit. There's a back entrance to the kitchens if you go due east from where I'm having you dropped in. The women who work there know when to keep their mouths shut."   
  
"I thank you for your helpful statement of the situation," Yaone said, as blandly as she could manage, controlling the urge to demand to be allowed down to the cellars without any further delay. "Oh, what happened to the woman who was in his room with him?"  
  
The Captain shrugged. "Missing too. Possibly bait or distraction. More likely dead."  
  
"This one's stirring, Captain," one of the guards watching Genjou Sanzou called across. "You want us to knock him on the head again?"  
  
The Captain looked to Yaone inquiringly. Yaone considered; the monk might be a nuisance awake and vocal, but he'd probably be even more of a nuisance if she had to carry his unconscious body over her shoulder. "Please leave him be," she requested politely. "But, ah, don't take the manacles off." She wasn't _stupid_, after all.  
  
Sanzou blinked and looked around. His eyes narrowed menacingly. He paused to regard Yaone with one raised eyebrow, then returned to his customary snarl as he considered the rest of the room.   
  
"Aww," said one of the guards, bending down to ruffle his hair. "He wakes up angry. Cute." She went sprawling as Sanzou kicked her legs from under her.  
  
"Little, but fierce," said the Captain with an oddly maternal air. "A bit like you, Little Miss Competence. Right little vixen you are. Okay, girls, open the cellar door. Time for them to see the Queen."  
  
---  
  
"Sanzou's in trouble," Goku hissed. "I _know_ he is."  
  
"So?" Doku raised an eyebrow, though in the darkness behind the curtain, the effect was mostly lost.  
  
"I think he's downstairs in the cellars." Goku's eyes had an odd light to them that Doku hadn't seen before. He hadn't thought that the monkey was capable of quite such intense concern. "Down that way." He pointed at a heavy door close to where they were standing. "Down there. Right down there. Very close to down there," he added, as if the point wasn't clear enough.  
  
Eh. Odds were that anything which could inconvenience the monk would either be Kougaiji himself, or would be a danger on Kougaiji's level, and thus a danger to Kougaiji, and therefore something which ought to be investigated. All the other kitchen women except Bie Liao had gone to bed, and his obligation to Bie Liao could be discharged by knocking her on the back of the head and tying her up, to make it clear that she was innocent. "Sure," he said amiably. "But no squashing any spiders, right? Unless I give the word? We don't want to annoy the Queen by killing any of her relatives."  
  
"You're no fun," Goku pouted.  
  
---

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	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine   
  
Gojyo tensed his shoulders as he looked around the hall again, surveying it with a tactical eye. The close-set pillars would get in the way if he tried anything complicated with his shakujou, and the sticky webs -- Kougaiji was still busy proving just how sticky they _were_ -- and frankly the fact that there were huge eggs hidden under the webbing all around him was freaking the life out of him. He deliberately refused even to consider that some of them might already have hatched.  
  
"Can't you do a small-scale fire and burn yourself free?" he suggested helpfully in Kougaiji's direction. He'd been tactfully ignoring the other man's attempts to get loose without disarranging the webs, but this was taking too long, and he for one didn't intend to become any spider queen's dinner date.  
  
"Any sort of fire here would risk a general blaze," Kougaiji replied sharply. "Can you use the sharp edge of your weapon to cut me free?" He pointed at where most of the sleeve of his jacket was attached to the webs, the white silk like embroidery against the dark leather of the jacket and the bronzer shade of his hand.  
  
With a thought, Gojyo called the shakojou to his hand. "Hm." He spun it so that the point of the crescent lay against Kougaiji's sleeve. "Hm," he said again, considering the situation.  
  
Common sense said that he should cut Kougaiji free of the webs and make for the nearest exit without any sort of delay. Common sense was Hakkai's business, and he'd be sure to explain all this to Hakkai when he managed to catch up with the other man, in full and literal detail, especially when it came to why Gojyo had been stuck running through this damn fortress in a skirt and high heels.  
  
Or perhaps he wouldn't mention _this_ part.  
  
"Just here," Kougaiji said impatiently.  
  
Gojyo leaned in and kissed him again.  
  
---  
  
"Where precisely are we going?" asked Sanzou. He hadn't commented on the web-laden decor of the cellars, or on the fact that Yaone was staying safely behind him, spear in hands -- not that the confined space gave her much chance to use it -- or on the fact that she'd left the manacles on him. She suspected that the first was due to a refusal to be impressed, and that the second and third were merely reflections on her common sense.  
  
"We're looking for Kougaiji-sama," Yaone replied politely. "Once we've found him, we can all leave this place."  
  
"All of us?" Sanzou asked. He gave the first word a peculiar emphasis.  
  
"Yes," Yaone replied. "Well, we need to find Lirin too, but Kougaiji-sama should be able to find her, once we've found him . . ." She paused, realising that his tone might have another explanation. "You don't mean that all your friends are in here too?"  
  
Sanzou was silent for several paces. Finally, he stated, "You could simply let me go and walk away. We're looking for different people. There's no reason for us to stay together."  
  
"Yes, there is," Yaone pointed out. "You're chained up and I'm behind you."  
  
"_Besides_ that," Sanzou growled, shoulders tense with the air of one who has had enemies behind him far too often. "We both know that you're not going to cut my throat while I can't stop you, so let's stop pretending that you are."  
  
Yaone hesitated. He had a point. "On the other hand," she said, thoughtfully, "I could knock you out and carry you over my shoulder. It would be difficult, and I wouldn't want to put you to the embarrassment of being seen like that by your friends . . ."  
  
"You think I give a fuck what those morons think?"  
  
Yaone hated herself, but had no choice. "Sanzou-sama," she replied politely, "do you honestly think I'd trust you at my back with your hands free, in a situation like this, where you have no real reason to trust me and you suspect that I'm going to hand you and the sutra over to Kougaiji-sama?"  
  
A pause. Several more steps. He snorted. "At least you _do_ have a brain in there."  
  
"I try to be competent," she said primly. "But I do apologise for the insult to your honour."  
  
Sanzou made a noise which was difficult to define. Really, she hadn't wanted to suggest that a man of his abilities and virtue might be unreliable in that respect, but he hadn't left her a great deal of choice.  
  
A soft noise, a suppressed cry, from the room ahead of them. Images immediately flashed through Yaone's head of some helpless victim -- even Kougaiji-sama, oh no, don't let it be him -- in the clutches of the spider Queen herself. She gestured Sanzou out of the way with the butt of her spear, and stepped forward, slipping several grenades into her hand as she did so.  
  
---  
  
It had been comparatively easy to gain access to the cellars for somewhere that was supposed to be the most heavily guarded place in the entire fortress. Yet again, Hakkai found himself wanting to give some strategic advice to whoever was supposed to be in charge of the guards. It was an unfortunate habit, which he did his best to suppress, but -- as he had said more than once to Gojyo -- he did _prefer_ it when things were tidy and efficient.  
  
"There are all sorts of _spider_ webs down here," Lirin whispered noisily.  
  
Apparently the maids didn't see their way to doing a very thorough job of dusting, either. "Yes," Hakkai replied temperately. "I noticed." It was difficult not to. "Would you rather wait up above, Lirin-san?" he offered hopefully.  
  
She chewed her lower lip, then stuck her chin forward, her whole pose screaming **Girl Heroine**. "I'll be fine! We need to find my brother!"  
  
"Hush!" Hakkai breathed. He'd heard some sort of noise to the south. "This way."  
  
She followed him obediently, taking care not to brush against the trailing strands of web. Two corridors and a narrow passage brought them out into a larger room, and . . .  
  
"Hakkai!" Lirin was banging against his back, since he had for some reason frozen stock still in the doorway. "What's going on? Is big brother there?"  
  
"I have that general impression," he remarked dryly, "but it's a bit difficult to tell with Gojyo in the way."  
  
---  
  
"Kougaiji-sama!" Yaone's glad cry of relief lost enthusiasm as she took in the full scene, and her cheeks scorched red. "I, ah, didn't mean to interrupt you . . ."  
  
"Don't be an idiot," Sanzou sneered, watching Gojyo trip over his skirts in shock and fall flat on his rear. "It's that molesting moron over there who's harassing your poor helpless prince."  
  
"Kougaiji-sama is not helpless!" she blazed.  
  
"Oh, he wanted to kiss Gojyo, then?"  
  
"He . . . wanted . . ." Yaone finally identified the sprawling figure in skirts and corset as Sha Gojyo. "Oh, Kougaiji-sama! How could you?"  
  
Kougaiji assessed the situation, and found it bad. Admitting to helplessness was even worse than any of the other alternatives. With casual ease -- and a hidden wince -- he ripped his arm free of the web, leaving a patch of skin behind, and slid out of his trapped jacket to step free of the thick silk cords, upper body bare. "Quite easily, really."  
  
"Big brother!" A Lirin-shaped guided missile hit him around the waist, almost making him stagger back into the webs again. "There's an evil plot against you!"  
  
Back near the door, Hakkai picked himself up from where he'd hit the ground and been trodden on. _Next time_, he reminded himself, _let Sanzou take care of Lirin. He's so good with children and animals._ "Gojyo," he said, smiling gently. "How good to see you're safe."  
  
_Yaone -- and Sanzou -- to the right of me, Hakkai to the left of me . . ._ Gojyo scrambled to his feet. "Hey, Hakkai. The skirts look good on you," he tried desperately.  
  
"Kougaiji-sama! You're hurt!" Yaone ran across to check on Kougaiji's bleeding wrist, deciding that the whole thing was clearly Gojyo's fault.  
  
"Nice shawl," said Kougaiji dryly to Hakkai.  
  
"Oh, it's on loan," the other man replied modestly.  
  
"Hey, moron," Sanzou kicked Gojyo's ankle to get his attention. "If you can get your attention away from your latest --"  
  
"He's _not_ my latest!"  
  
"Don't worry," Kougaiji tossed across. "He's already told me about the Buddhist tantric sex secrets."  
  
There was an appalled general silence. It was a silence that blended tacit promises to kill by slow beatings on the one hand, with fascinated curiosity on the other hand. It was broken only by Lirin asking, "What's tantric, big brother? What's tantric?"  
  
Hakkai walked across, and helped Gojyo brush the dust off his dress. "Later," he murmured quietly, a certain glint to his visible eye.  
  
Gojyo swallowed.  
  
"If one of you morons wouldn't _mind_." Sanzou clanked his manacles meaningfully.  
  
"He's my prisoner," Yaone explained to Kougaiji, who was still trying to detach the limpet known as Lirin from his waist. She did her best not to check his torso for injuries too obviously. "We need to leave here fast. The Captain of the Guard warned me that someone in power here wants to catch you in an awkward situation."  
  
Gojyo coughed.  
  
"Ah," Hakkai put in, "I believe that would probably be the Princess of the Keep. Lirin-san and I overheard her attempting to blacken your liege's name to the guards, Yaone-san. And as Lirin-san believes that . . ." He trailed off tactfully.  
  
"The kitchen entrance should be due east of here," Yaone added helpfully.  
  
"Key," Sanzou stated to Yaone. It wasn't a question. It didn't entertain the slightest possibility that she might say no.  
  
"Later," she replied.  
  
"Much later," Gojyo muttered sotto voce.  
  
"Wait." There was a sudden authority in Kougaiji's tone. "There's something . . ."  
  
The webs leapt from the walls as he spoke, drawing themselves into long tendrils which hung swaying in the air. Further down the passages leading to the room, the cobwebs which lined the walls began to squirm and move, flexing and writhing like living flesh, exposing the eggs which were nestled in them, great pearly ovals the size of a man's head.   
  
A female voice, dark and sweet like a low-toned flute, hummed and whispered in the shadows. "Well now. And what should this be? Food, perhaps?"  
  
---

Fanfic Page 


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten   
  
"Who's that?" hissed Yaone, bringing her spear to ready position.  
  
"The Queen?" Gojyo guessed, eyes narrowing as he stared into the dark tunnel.  
  
"No," Hakkai murmured behind them, the burning glow of his ki spilling light through the room as he readied power between his hands. "That's the Princess."  
  
"Don't!" Kougaiji snapped. "This place is the nursery. It's full of eggs. If you . . ." He trailed off, realising how much the current situation handicapped them all. _If I take her hand-to-hand, perhaps . . ._  
  
"Unchain me and I'll shoot the bitch," Sanzou suggested helpfully.  
  
"I'll get her!" Lirin squealed, struggling in Kougaiji's arms. "Let me go beat her up, big brother!"  
  
Yaone flicked a questioning glance to Kougaiji, then nodded towards Sanzou. Kougaiji quickly shook his head. The monk was unreliable, and there was no evidence that he'd feel the need to spare the eggs here while taking the Princess down. Not that he was quite clear why Yaone was here in the first place -- or Lirin, come to think of it. "Don't be a fool," he called towards the dark corridor. "We know what's going on."  
  
Hakkai coughed. "And we've left written evidence of it with unimpeachable authorities elsewhere," he added blandly. "It'd be much easier for everyone here if we all just walk away."  
  
A pause from the dark corridor. "Perhaps if you left a mate behind for me?" the sweet dark voice suggested.  
  
"She's not serious," Kougaiji stated flatly.  
  
"Besides, who would we leave? The corrupt monk over there?" Gojyo added.  
  
"I'll kill you for that," Sanzou muttered.  
  
"Don't worry," Yaone pointed out. "None of the women upstairs wanted you either. They all thought you were too thin." She considered him out of the corner of one eye. "Not that there's anything actually wrong with you, but are you sure you're eating enough?"  
  
"Goku always gets the food," Hakkai commented. "I think Sanzou actually has one of those naturally slender builds -- like yourself, Yaone-san . . ."  
  
Yaone blushed. "Oh, do you think so?"  
  
"Or like Red Boy over there," Gojyo butted in, then wished he hadn't as everyone glared at him.   
  
There was an annoyed-sounding throaty cough from the passageway. "Do I take this banter to mean that you don't intend to sacrifice one of your number to appease my lusts?"  
  
"No," Kougaiji stated.  
  
"Hell, no," Gojyo confirmed.  
  
"Absolutely not," said Hakkai firmly.  
  
"Are you out of your mind, bitch?" Sanzou demanded.  
  
"Even I can see that I'm not what she's looking for," Yaone added, more cheerfully than usual.  
  
"Is appeasing her lusts what madam-my-mother does in her spare time?" Lirin enquired.  
  
Kougaiji did his best to ignore his little sister. "This is your last chance, madam. Release us or . . ."  
  
A wave of snatching tendrils of web broke on the room like a storm, pseudopods of sticky white silk groping for human and youkai flesh. Hakkai threw up a barrier of ki against it, and the others crowded closely behind him as the silken cords thrashed against the smooth field of force.  
  
"So why _not_ just blast it and her?" Sanzou snarled.  
  
"Because I'd destroy the cellars and all the unborn eggs too," Kougaiji snapped back. He thought quickly. "If I teleport behind her, and take Yaone with me, we can subdue her while you occupy her attention . . ."  
  
"Hakkai-dono," Yaone broke in nervously, "does your barrier cover the floor too?"  
  
"I -- oh, dear." Hakkai was interrupted mid-disquisition by the winding threads of silk rising up from the floor under their feet, knocking the group sprawling, and causing Hakkai to lose his concentration as one particular strand of web did its best to slam him against the ceiling.  
  
"Hold it, bitch," Gojyo growled, sending a sharp-edged length of chain spinning towards the darkness. It clogged up on sticky silk, like a razor trying to slice through candyfloss, and bogged down somewhere about halfway. He pulled on it, trying to get it to retract as usual. It was stuck.  
  
Thrashing tendrils of silk the size of a man's arm tumbled Lirin, Yaone, Kougaiji, and Sanzou together, then tossed them into separate corners of the room. Mingled smells of acid came from Yaone's direction in an expanding cloud of vapours. Kougaiji struggled to his feet again, and got to watch as another tendril threw Gojyo across the room and into Sanzou. In her corner, Lirin squawked and struggled with the silk.  
  
Melodic laughter came from the dark passageway. The Princess swayed into view, every step a smooth flex of hip and thigh, braids and scarves tossing to the same rhythm as the strands of web. "Well? Would you prefer to surrender?"  
  
Something behind her hit her very hard on the head. She fell face-first onto the floor, and lay there in a pile of collapsed silk.  
  
The silk strands loosened and fell to the ground abruptly, as though the animation had vanished from them with the Princess' fall. Hakkai managed to land smoothly, tumbling from the ceiling like an acrobat.  
  
"Sanzou?" asked Son Goku, emerging from behind the unconscious Princess, staff in hand, trailed by Dokugakuji, his blade heavy with chopped silk. "Sanzou, do we have to stay down here much longer? I'm hungry . . ."  
  
"Bakazaru!" Sanzou snarled, freeing his robe from Gojyo's skirts. "You took your time!"  
  
"At least you're not in skirts," Kougaiji commented dryly towards Doku, watching as the big man picked his way across the floor towards him. He considered possibilities. Genjou Sanzou was here, he had his sutra on him, and he was manacled. On the other hand, they were temporary allies of a sort, the Princess might awake at any moment, and only a fool would fight in a burning house.  
  
"It took us ages to get here!" Goku was protesting loudly. "I knew you were here but there were webs all the way, and spiders, lots of spiders!"  
  
"We might want to leave here before the Queen turns up, Kougaiji-sama," Yaone suggested, replacing several small vials in her belt pouches. "It's possible that this sort of thing might attract her attention."  
  
"IT DID," came a heavy female voice from the centre of the room, causing a general jump, pivot, or collapse in shock as everyone oriented on the voice. Silk rose from the ground to form a thick column, then shaped itself into a woman's body, a woman's face. The lips parted. "BUT IT WOULD APPEAR THERE ARE EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES. WHERE IS PRINCE KOUGAIJI?"  
  
"Here, madam." Kougaiji stepped forward and inclined his head politely. He wasn't exactly comfortable with the way that the silk simulacrum's apparent eyes were fixed lewdly on his bare torso, but doubtless it was a minor error in facial proportions. "May I remind you that I received a free invitation to this place in your name?"  
  
"QUITE." A pause. "AND I TAKE IT THAT EVERYONE WITH YOU IS FEMALE?"  
  
"Definitely, your majesty," said Yaone hastily.  
  
"Screw that," Gojyo put in. "I'm . . ." Sanzou's fan hit him hard on the back of the head. "Female," he sighed.  
  
"Me too," Hakkai added, quickly pulling his shawl up over his head. "And the others are too shy to talk in front of you, your majesty."  
  
The sotto voce mutter of, "I'm going to kill you all," from Sanzou's direction might have been agreement.  
  
"Doku's just like my big sister!" Lirin threw herself into another hug.  
  
Doku covered his face with one hand and tried to look female.  
  
The simulacrum of the Queen very deliberately raised one hand to shield her eyes. "PRINCE KOUGAIJI, I CANNOT POSSIBLY BREAK THE LAW WHICH I MYSELF HAVE PUT IN PLACE. I MUST THEREFORE ASK YOU TO REMOVE YOUR ENTOURAGE BEFORE I AM OBLIGED TO NOTICE ANYTHING . . . AWKWARD ABOUT THEM. I SHALL SEE TO MY DAUGHTER."  
  
"No sooner said than done," Kougaiji replied with relief. "Yaone . . ."  
  
"This way, Kougaiji-sama."  
  
The retreat out of the cellars was brisk and enthusiastic.  
  
---

Fanfic Page 


	11. Epilogue

Epilogue   
  
They stumbled into the kitchen with what was not precisely panic, but was certainly far from a precise, orderly retreat. Questions of precedence didn't even come into it as they jostled through the door, and nobody queried Hakkai's possible failure in courtesy as he slammed and bolted it behind them.  
  
"I guess we'll have to apologise to Bie Liao," Doku commented, then broke off as he saw the empty chair at the centre of the room. "Oh, shit."  
  
"I thought you tied her up," Goku put in.  
  
"I did," Doku muttered, running a hand through his hair while looking around for potential squads of guards that might materialise from the ceiling. Or the corners. Or the doors. Or even under the tables.  
  
"I thought you said you were _good_ at tying people up."  
  
Someone choked off a snicker, but when Doku looked round, all faces were set in expressions of bland innocence, ferocious unconcern, or invincible and cynical purity.  
  
Kougaiji sighed. "Yaone, Doku, please take Lirin with you. Lirin, you were extremely brave in coming here to warn me, but now that the Princess has been dealt with, but now I'd like you to go back with the others."  
  
Lirin pouted. "Aww, big brother . . ."  
  
"And no buts!" He restrained himself from pointing a finger at the kitchen door and ordering everyone out on pain of pain. That would have been far too like his father of extreme memory, however temporarily satisfying it might be to rid himself of monks and morons alike.  
  
Sanzou coughed, pointedly, and jangled his manacles meaningfully.  
  
Kougaiji sighed. It would, under certain circumstances, have been extremely easy to just hoist the manacled monk over his bare shoulder and teleport off with both him and sutra together. The safety of his mother made it an imperative. He couldn't bring himself to show pity or mercy just because they'd narrowly escaped together from a lustful spider youkai princess. It would be unthinkable. He had no valid reason not to take action.  
  
A corner of the kitchen exploded, shatteringly loud in the tense silence, in billowing clouds of flour and flame, enveloping the entire kitchen in dense white dry mists.  
  
Several screams and thumps and general running around in confusion later, Kougaiji brushed floury hair out of his eyes and inspected the surroundings. "Lirin," he said, gently, "that's a table-leg, not one of the Sanzou-ikkou. Who, in fact, seem to have fled while we were distracted."  
  
"It attacked me!" Lirin protested, then looked around. "Oh. They ran away. Spoilsports!"  
  
"I think they escaped," Yaone explained redundantly, picking herself up off the floor. She tried vainly to get the flour dust off her belt of vials, then gave up. "Someone must have set fire to those flour sacks in the corner, Kougaiji-sama. Flour is astonishingly explosive when . . ."  
  
"Yeah." Doku was rubbing the back of his neck and wincing. "Someone like a little white dragon. I'd been wondering where that little bugger got to."  
  
Kougaiji took a deep breath, and tried not to feel too relieved or regretful. "Out, all of you," he directed. "I'll catch up with you later."  
  
---  
  
The jeep came to a halt several miles later. The downpour had changed to a steady drizzle, dampening Sanzou's robes and Gojyo's hair.  
  
"Did we _have_ to run away?" Goku protested.  
  
"Get these damn things off me," Sanzou snarled, indicating his manacles again.  
  
Gojyo didn't bother saying anything. He was too busy stripping off dress and corset with a deep sigh of relief. Standing there in his boxers, he rubbed at the lines the corset had left on his torso, and wondered despondently how long it would take for the blonde rinse to wash out of his hair.  
  
"There," Hakkai finally said, "that does it. Yes. I rather thought that key on Yaone's belt had to be the one to the manacles, it was so unlike the rest of her outfit." He picked up the chains from where Sanzou had dropped them, and carefully tucked them into one of the front compartments of the jeep. One never knew, after all. "Well done, Hakuryuu, very well done indeed . . ."  
  
Sanzou faced the western horizon, where a thin glimmer of light was beginning to show pale against the darkness, and lit a cigarette. Several deep nicotine-laden breaths took a little of the offended fury out of his shoulders. "Next time," he said flatly, "we leave the damn idiots to it."  
  
"Still, it was pleasant to see everyone in such good health." Hakkai dusted his hands off cheerfully. "I'm afraid it's going to be a couple more days before we come to a village again."  
  
"Desert crossings?" Gojyo asked. "Ice? Snow? Damn mountains which you slide down two steps for every one you manage to climb? Hurricanes and sandstorms?" He shivered in his underwear. "Lead me to it. And hey, Hakkai, where did you put my clothing?"  
  
"Oh, it's in the back of Hakuryuu -- somewhere -- I think . . ." Hakkai trailed off uncertainly. "I'm sure you'll find it eventually," he added helpfully.  
  
Sanzou snorted, as he watched Gojyo hunting through the various pieces of impedimenta. "And . . ."  
  
"Sanzou, I'm hungry!" Goku complained. "I never got to finish my buns, because we came to rescue you!"  
  
"You weren't rescuing me," Sanzou pointed out through gritted teeth.  
  
"Oh, listen to the worldly monk now," Gojyo commented, hauling his trousers on.  
  
"Maa, maa, at least we're all out of there . . ."  
  
And the sun slowly rose on the horizon.  
  
---

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